“I got a rock.”

I haven’t won anything in my life. Not a damn thing. Even my Mom, God rest her, called me Charlie Brown—I was always the kid who peered into his bag of Halloween candy and sighed, “I got a rock.”

I think the closest I ever came to winning something was when a traffic cop “awarded” me a pretty yellow ticket and three demerit points, all for the low, low price of one-seventy-five. As he clicked his annoying little pen and grinned his annoying little grin, he said I should I feel lucky. After all, he cut the fine by 75 bucks and two points. Ooooh, a win-win.

Once I matched two numbers in the 6/49. Celebrating my good fortune, I clicked my heels as I rushed to cash in on that free ticket. I was all atingle, fully expecting to hear that cheesy ditty from the register, chased by that eerie Stephen Hawking-like voice claiming I was a winner. When the guy scanned it, there was nothing but silence and his usual blank stare. “You only matched one number,” he said. So close.

Then there was the time I nearly won a ribbon on Ribbon-Making Day. Mr. Tibbetts promised that everyone was getting a ribbon, but when they got to me, they had run out of ribbon. I got a rock.

A year later in the fifth grade, we had Rock-Polishing Day. The teacher promised that everyone was going to get a nice shiny rock. (Curiously, I had lost my previous gem about a year prior, about the same time old Tibbetts was yelling expletives at the dent in his car in the teacher’s parking lot.) They ran out of rocks, of course. I guess Tibbetts felt bad, so he gave me instructions on how to make a ribbon.

But enough about me. Wait. This is about me! First off, I’d like to thank the Academy, my parents, one-bite brownies, and last but not least, Karen Einsel, who nominated me for the Versatile Blogging Award. Karen, kisses! (Imagine I am onstage at a podium, throwing my hands out in animated kisses. Politics, here I come.)

As is proper protocol for the VBA, I will guide you effortlessly to Karen’s blogs:

KAREN’S DIFFERENT CORNERS

DIFFERENT CORNERS IN MY LIFE

Further to the strict VBA protocol, I shall now nominate 15 blogs and/or bloggers deserving of equal recognition:

Derek Blass

Photobotos

Russell Blake

Travel Photography by Dimitrii Lezine

Kristen Lamb

Daniel C. Doolan’s News Updates

Shelli Johnson

August McLaughlin’s Blog

Brian Gaynor Photography

Walking With A Smacked Pentax

InsatiableBookSluts

Nail Your Novel

World Adventurers

Daily Photo Blog

Kimber Vale

And now, the moment—and final VBA requirement—you’ve all been waiting for. The Seven Deadly Sins of David C. Cassidy—oh, sorry. That post is marked “Private.” Moving on, here be Seven Things About David C. Cassidy, aka Chuck Brown, the world needs to know.

1. Mozart is King. But Vivaldi ROCKS. I love jazz–the good stuff. Kenny G is not the good stuff.

The good stuff.
Dave Brubeck
Frank Sinatra
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
Antonio Vivaldi

2. I am addicted to photography, exercise and astronomy. I get to stay up all night chasing the stars, often snapping their pictures, like some sleep-deprived paparazzi.

3. If books were made of chocolate, I’d eat a book a day. If chocolates were made of books, they’d taste really bland.

4. Movies make me wish I was a star. I’d be really rich and I could eat all the chocolate books that I want. At night, I’d run off all the calories chasing the stars.

5. I refuse to drink wine that has not been chilled within a degree of absolute zero. Ditto, Coors Light.

6. I am in love with cereal.

7. Charlie Brown loves classic rock. I gotta rock.

The classic good stuff.
The Who
Kansas
Jackson Browne
Aerosmith